Oh, those poor fellows in Detroit. They liked the ideas we offered for Mazda, and misapplied them to Cadillac. Here is the ad.

Hey, guys, Cadillac’s Art & Science design theme is derived from stealth fighter aircraft design, not models posing with bows and arrows. This is a long Cadillac tradition, going back to the design of a car I own, seen above. The 1948-49 Cadillacs, their fins in particular, were inspired by the twin-boom Lockheed P-38 fighter plane of World War Two.

Fifties Cadillacs were in part inspired by jets and rockets–do you dig those big afterburner taillights, Elvis?–but Cadillac was already heading down an awful, egocentric design path that ended with a thud in the era of “downsizing.” Jesus, who wants a Billy Barty downsized Cadillac? But one can’t expect particularly creative thought out of Detroit agencies, so we’ll take the compliment, guys.

Maybe Cadillac would be better served forging the link between the real inspiration of Art & Science and the very handsome CTS-V coupe. I’m sure the Air Force would be happy to help out, putting a Nighthawk flat on the deck for a fly by. I play a game with my highly educated girlfriend, who until recently knew little about cars, and cared even less. I ask her what she thinks of various designs as we travel together. When I told her that Cadillac design had long been linked to fighter aircraft and that the current designs were derived from the Stealth Nighthawk, it suddenly made sense for her, and she no longer thought Cadillacs were oddly shaped. On a weekend trip, we tracked a CTS and she said, “You know, if they explained to people that the design is from stealth fighters, people would get it.” No kidding.

Here is the link to the Mazda piece posted some time ago, in which we recommended Mazda use Japanese martial arts and also the indigenous arts and crafts of Hiroshima to express a dynamic Zen message about Mazda cars. Sadly, someone at Cadillac thought the archer reference was cool.

Mazda is claiming Kendo is the inspiration for its new vocabulary of form. OK, that’s a start. But they need to expand that message. The martial arts speak to performance and lithe design. The creative arts and Zen spirituality speak to holistic approaches to engineering concept, interior design in harmony with man, and maybe even a Green ethic, though Mazda’s only “Green” story would be that the cars are relatively light and most have four-cylinders.

Come on, Team Mazda. The company is a niche player, so working Japanese character and Zen sensibilities is perfectly all right if you want to sell cars to babes who work out at Bikram yoga studios as well as guys who appreciate nimble performance. Unless Toyota wants to buy Mazda to create a sporting brand—they already have Subaru’s WRX/STI franchise to cultivate, and can always produce a Toyota or Scion sports car to balance the high-end LF-A—Mazda will be small time, forever. Just accept that place in the universe and get your Zen groove on. Maybe this Sapporo ad will give you a laugh. It’s funny, and at the same time it makes you mighty thirsty for a perfectly brewed Japanese beer. Can I get another two orders of Toro and Maguro here? And some more ginger? Arigato, dude.